Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
