dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
