I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
