new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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