I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
