Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
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