I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
pop tarts are not kleenex
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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