your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.