Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.