you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
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i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
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I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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