capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
