I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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