Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
