i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
