That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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