how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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