We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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