3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
