But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
