sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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