Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
