I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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