ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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