He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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