What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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