When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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