College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
