I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
