the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
