apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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