Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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