Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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