Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
