mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
