No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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