thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
