I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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