Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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