now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize