Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
