you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Randomize
