It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize