Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
