I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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