WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
