Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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