I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
