ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
