yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
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I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
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She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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