happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
