would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
