Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
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In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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