if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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