Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
