I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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