You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
