Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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