He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
he was CRYING into my vagina
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
