i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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