What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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